“I bet you don’t know whether to be embarrassed or grateful right now”, laughs my husband, Brad as he’s fanning me with a game box top. I laugh, because it’s in the marriage contract, but all I’m thinking is that I hate everyone in this room right now and through gritted teeth I manage, “You’re right”.
This, my friends, is what I like to call a premenopausal incident. I’m up to about six big ones a day and the “hot mess” referred to in the title of this blog, is me. It ain’t pretty!
Fashion wise I’m not even going to go into what’s happening at night because anything I wear must come off quickly and be able to be put back in the same manner as directly after nakedness comes immediate chills and the need for blankets in abundance.
Back to the game box top fanning. Last Sunday we headed to an amazing, pre-music fest at a brewery. Super chill atmosphere, picnic tables, old school board games and craft beer. The place is packed! I’m dressed super cool in shorts and this blousy white boho top. Side note: I had changed several times that morning and my entire closet floor was piled with “non-temperature appropriate” (it’s a thing now) rejects. This seems to be my process every morning now. Find the shirt in my closet that breathes nicely, glides away from my back fat and lands at least an inch and a half below my pits so that there is no staining or unsightly evidence of wetness! That’s a hell off a fashion regiment and philosophy. So with my outfit straightened away I stride into the venue with absolute confidence that the outfit can’t possibly fail me.
Ohhhh soooo wrong!
Within 20 minutes of arrival I experience the first of at least 6 nasty hot flashes over the next 2-3 hours! My husband, who always seems to be in tune with me during any outing, witnesses my struggle and as a final last ditch effort to help his poor wife out he finally picks up the cover of the game that my friend, Rose and I are playing and begins to fan me in front of a good 60 people in the joint. At this point I am beyond pride or show. I am beyond coolness or confidence. I am desperate for relief! This coming from the girl whose feet were always cold, the girl who was always in search of a sweater, the girl who could pride herself in rocking an 80s turtleneck. That girl is gone and in her place is a sweaty, bitchy and sleep deprived zombie who is always in search of a good FAN!
Love to you always,